It's not "okay?"!!!

   February is almost gone and I haven't blogged all month!  Time seems to get away so fast sometimes.  :/
  It's been a month of celebration for us around here.....starting with our wedding anniversary, followed by my birthday (I turned 30! YIKES!) then Valentine's Day.  It's been a great month!  Tom and I have enjoyed 3 date nights in the last month, which have been SO wonderful!  And we had such a sweet Valentine's Day as a family at home.  Have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE my little family?!  Well...just in case I haven't, I DO!  :)


  Hmmm...as far as the kiddos are concerned,  it's been pretty low key.  Shae' is growing like crazy, almost 4 months!  HOW did that happen SO fast?! :/   She is smiling ALL the time now, laughing out loud (SO sweet!) and rolled over for the first time last weekend.    Here's a few pictures of her from the last few weeks.....

Pretty in purple

Sweet little bunny :)

I had to throw in a pic of my silly boy!  Love this kid!!!

So now that I've rambled about my family, now onto my title.......


 "Words count.  They are critically important in the formation and organization of concepts that communicate thoughts, especially during this rapidly expanding period of vocabulary formation.  Speaking wrong words to a toddler, even with the best motives, can still send the wrong message."


  This was taken from the GFI  "The Toddlerhood Transition" book.  I have been once again reading through this book to see what areas of improvement I need to make with Carter.  I came across this chapter, "Sending Right and Wrong Messages" and was once again reminded of the importance of this subject.  
  It has always bothered me to hear a parent give their child a command and follow it with, "okay?"  I mean, really...THINK about this!  If you are giving a COMMAND to your child, why follow with, "okay?"  This is sending a mixed message to the child.  You are basically asking for permission while giving instructions.  It may sound like this, "Let's put the toy's away, okay?" or "Don't touch anything in the store, okay?"  Do we really need to add "okay?" to the end of our instructions?  No...because you do not need to ask your child's permission. "Okay?" or "All right?" at the end of an instruction sends the wrong message.  What you're trying to say "do you understand me?"  So why not just say that phrase instead?  Asking 'okay' only undermines your authority and redefines the meaning of obedience in the mind of the child.  
Another excerpt says, "Giving instructions to your child disguised as an option when no option is available is another misleading form of instruction."  Example:  it's naptime.  But instead of saying, You're going to take a nap", you give your child an option you don't really mean to give and say "do you want to take a nap?"  What if the child says "NO".  I mean, really...what toddler is going to say "yes" to taking a nap?   Too often we send the wrong message by giving options to our children when we don't intend on letting them choose.  There are times when giving and option is appropriate but not when true obedience is called for.  If you want your child to take a nap, or come to the dinner table or pick up his toys, then offering options will only cause conflict, not avoid it!


  This, to me, is such a hard habit to break!  I still occasionally catch myself or Tom saying, "Okay?" at the end of an instruction to Carter.  We've gotten better in the last 6 months or so (since reading this) at saying, "do you understand?" instead.   


  Next time you're giving your child instruction, think about how you are phrasing it.  Are you sending mixed messages to your child?  Remember to 'say what you mean and mean what you say'!  Just stop and ask yourself, "is this really what I want to say"?  

I Do

February 1st, 2003.  I woke with butterfly's in my stomach.  The man that I had known for only a short year was about to become my husband.  And I was about to move halfway across the country to start my new life with him!  Crazy?  No.....I knew from the first time we met that he would be 'the one'.  It was all so whirlwind really.  Here's our story.....


January 2002....


I was a senior at Jackson College of Ministries in Jackson, Ms.  Born and raised in northern Mississippi my entire life, JCM was the reasonable choice.  It was close to home, just a 3 hour drive.  I was part of a singing group at JCM....actually I was the piano player at this time.  We were off for a weekend of singing at various locations.  First stop:  Conroe, Tx.  Lake Conroe Youth Convention had just been started by Michael Ensey.  I believe this was their first year, or maybe second.  Anyway, we were there to sing.  It was a Friday night and the place was packed!  I sat about halfway back with my friends and when altar call started the altars filled up fast.  Not even sure why (because I had sworn off guys forever!)  but a guy walking along the wall toward the altar caught my attention.  I mean, I had sworn off guys, but that doesn't mean I couldn't take a peek at the attractive ones, right?  And, oh boy!  He WAS attractive! ;)  After service I was walking through the hallway with the drummer for our group (who Tom later told me he thought I was dating..HA!) and we passed each other.  Those eyes!  AHHHH!!!  I was smitten with just a glance!  The following morning there was another service. We actually both ended up at the water table at the same time (ok, so maybe ONE of us staged that...but it wasn't me!) and exchanged glances.  Yep..those eyes again!   Then we had another service that evening where our group sang for the second time.  In this service, I made sure to sit in a row that gave me a view of him all through service (yeah...by this time I was not concerned with spiritual things!) HA.   During service, Michael Ensey announced Tom as his brother in law and mentioned he was from Seattle.  Seattle?  That's on the other side of the world isn't it?  Strike one against him.   After service, we were loading up to leave.  Tom was standing with a friend of his talking to some of my friends.  I thought, perfect opportunity, right?  So I joined the group.  When I did, HE walked away.  UGH!   Disappointed, I headed to the van a few minutes later.  As I was walking through the parking lot, guess who was standing there?  Yep.  He looked at me and I about melted right there.  Those EYES!  And then something even better....he smiled.  The world pretty much stopped then and there.   He walked up to me and these were his words:  "I knew if I didn't talk to you now, I'd regret it for the rest of my life."   (ok..by this time my heart HAD stopped and I WAS a puddle on the ground)  We went on to chat for about 5 minutes....finding out just a few things about each other.  He gave me his business card, I gave him my phone number.  We said goodbye. 


As I got into the van, ALL of my friends were teasing me calling me "Lana Lyman" and planning my wedding.  I was brushing it off saying, "I don't know anything about him...he's probably an axe murderer or something".  The weekend went on and he was ALL I could think about.  


On Monday afternoon, I was in my dorm room telling my room mate about him when the phone rings.  It was HIM.   We talked for over an hour that first time.  And he continued to call everyday after.  We learned so much about each other from our long conversations.  One thing I learned quickly was that he was not a preacher.  This was hard at first for me.  You see, when you go to bible college, especially when you're a music major, it's kind of a given you will marry a preacher.  And I had really thought I would.  All my life I had thought that.  So, as much as I liked him, and as 'right' as it all felt, this one thing really held me up at first.  I'll never forget the advice of one of my instructors, though...he was like a father to my during my JCM days.  He said this:  Lana, he doesn't have to be a 'preacher' to have a  ministry.  Wow!  I had never thought of it like that.  I prayed a LOT about it all and just felt this peace about it.  My instructor was so right too.  I have seen Tom work in areas such as College and Career, Youth (for 5 years!), maintenance, ushering, etc.  And even when he hasn't held a 'title' or 'position' I've seen him faithfully support the church in tithe and offerings, bless others who didn't have and support me in my music ministry for nearly 8 years.   He is a faithful man of God for whom I am so grateful to have in my life!


Ok..back to the story.  In March of 2002, Tom came to Jackson for the music conference held there.  Since he knows nothing about music, he was obviously there to see me! :)   He also was able to meet my parents at this time and ask my Dad permission to officially 'court' me.  We spent about 4 days together and that was our first time to really be around each other.  We both knew when that week was over we were in love.  
We continued our phone calls daily.  He came down again in May to attend my graduation and we had another 2 or 3 days together.  2 weeks later I flew to Seattle to visit him for a week.  That was a hard trip because I went knowing I could end up living there and not liking it at first.  I met his parents and family for the first time and got to attend his church and meet his friends.  I went back to Mississippi unsure of the future.


I failed to mention that right before I met Tom, I had accepted a Music Minister position at a church in Natchez, MS.  Right after I graduated from JCM, actually the week I got back from visiting Seattle, I moved to Natchez to be full time.  And I LOVED Natchez.  So, now you see where all the hesitation came from.  Neither of us knew what God had in store for us.  We just both prayed about it.  I finally started feeling peace about moving to Seattle if that's where God wanted me.  About 3 weeks after my Seattle trip, my cousin was getting married in Memphis.  I was in the wedding.  I drove up and guess who was there to surprise me?  Yep...Tom had flown in without my knowing.  We had a wonderful weekend and he was able to meet more of my family.  Then, on that Saturday night, we took a carriage ride through downtown Memphis.  He got down on one knee (in the carriage!) and proposed.  Of course, I said YES!  My gift was a bible with my married name printed on it.  I still carry that Bible.  Wonderful memories.


The rest of that year was filled with planning (it took about 2 months to choose a date because my Mom was SO upset about the engagement!  She loved Tom, but not the idea of me moving so far away)  Tom came down again in September and we spent a week with my parents planning, etc.  Then my parents and I flew to Seattle for Thanksgiving. They wanted to see where I would be living, check out the church, etc.  We had a great time.  Then Tom flew down 1 week before the wedding.   We had a crazy week of last minute stuff to do for the wedding (he helped my dad cut down 72 cedar trees for the 'winter wonderland'  decor for the sanctuary---yes 72 TREES!--and he STILL married me! HA!)  


So there you have it.  Our story.  We married, honeymooned in Gatlinburg, TN. and then he brought me to Washington.  Quite the adjustment from Mississippi.  It took me about 2 years to finally say that I loved it here.  Now you couldn't get me to move anywhere else.  


It really has been a great 8 years.  I know a lot of people say that, but for me I mean it.  We've had hard times, but they've been so few and far between. And nothing that has made me doubt my decision for a minute.  Our meeting was such a God-thing.  And now 8 years later we have 2 beautiful children added to our family.  It just keeps getting better!   We've gone from this.........

To this.......

Happy Anniversary Tom!!!  I love you and I love our life 'together'. :)