It's been a month of celebration for us around here.....starting with our wedding anniversary, followed by my birthday (I turned 30! YIKES!) then Valentine's Day. It's been a great month! Tom and I have enjoyed 3 date nights in the last month, which have been SO wonderful! And we had such a sweet Valentine's Day as a family at home. Have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE my little family?! Well...just in case I haven't, I DO! :)
Hmmm...as far as the kiddos are concerned, it's been pretty low key. Shae' is growing like crazy, almost 4 months! HOW did that happen SO fast?! :/ She is smiling ALL the time now, laughing out loud (SO sweet!) and rolled over for the first time last weekend. Here's a few pictures of her from the last few weeks.....
Pretty in purple
Sweet little bunny :)
I had to throw in a pic of my silly boy! Love this kid!!!
So now that I've rambled about my family, now onto my title.......
"Words count. They are critically important in the formation and organization of concepts that communicate thoughts, especially during this rapidly expanding period of vocabulary formation. Speaking wrong words to a toddler, even with the best motives, can still send the wrong message."
This was taken from the GFI "The Toddlerhood Transition" book. I have been once again reading through this book to see what areas of improvement I need to make with Carter. I came across this chapter, "Sending Right and Wrong Messages" and was once again reminded of the importance of this subject.
It has always bothered me to hear a parent give their child a command and follow it with, "okay?" I mean, really...THINK about this! If you are giving a COMMAND to your child, why follow with, "okay?" This is sending a mixed message to the child. You are basically asking for permission while giving instructions. It may sound like this, "Let's put the toy's away, okay?" or "Don't touch anything in the store, okay?" Do we really need to add "okay?" to the end of our instructions? No...because you do not need to ask your child's permission. "Okay?" or "All right?" at the end of an instruction sends the wrong message. What you're trying to say "do you understand me?" So why not just say that phrase instead? Asking 'okay' only undermines your authority and redefines the meaning of obedience in the mind of the child.
Another excerpt says, "Giving instructions to your child disguised as an option when no option is available is another misleading form of instruction." Example: it's naptime. But instead of saying, You're going to take a nap", you give your child an option you don't really mean to give and say "do you want to take a nap?" What if the child says "NO". I mean, really...what toddler is going to say "yes" to taking a nap? Too often we send the wrong message by giving options to our children when we don't intend on letting them choose. There are times when giving and option is appropriate but not when true obedience is called for. If you want your child to take a nap, or come to the dinner table or pick up his toys, then offering options will only cause conflict, not avoid it!
This, to me, is such a hard habit to break! I still occasionally catch myself or Tom saying, "Okay?" at the end of an instruction to Carter. We've gotten better in the last 6 months or so (since reading this) at saying, "do you understand?" instead.
Next time you're giving your child instruction, think about how you are phrasing it. Are you sending mixed messages to your child? Remember to 'say what you mean and mean what you say'! Just stop and ask yourself, "is this really what I want to say"?
4 comments:
Oh yay! Something I may have been doing right all along without knowing it! :)
I probably say "okay" after telling Jon something sometimes...but usually, I ask him if he understands (more so when I am getting on to him) and more often I ask him "What did I just say" because he tends to wander away mid-conversation sometimes.
I make sure I am clear when something is NOT a choice but I also give him plenty of opportunities to choose. What do you want to wear: this or this? What to do want to eat: this or this? I have learned that leaving the question with an open ended answer is too much for him to consider...so by giving him 2 or 3 things to choose from, he gets the freedom of choice and I get an answer in a timely manner. :)
Great post Lana!
That's great! You hit on something I plan to blog about soon....sending the message of 'attention'. Ways to get your child to obey by making sure they understood the instruction to begin with....I am really dealing with this right now with Carter. Ahh...always something! :)
Wow Lana, very well written!! My girls are older and this is the first time that I have heard something like this. Totally makes me think and I ALWAYS say the OKAY at the end and now what you are saying totally makes sense. It really does send mix messages. But like you said what a hard habit to break... I always love reading your blogs =) Glad everyone is doing well!! Shae' is getting SO big =)
Thanks Kristy!!! Yeah...I don't think many people really think about how it sounds...and it IS SO tough to break! Right after writing this, I caught myself a few times saying it to Carter! UGH! lol
I'm glad you enjoy my blogs.....I don't in any way pretend to write these things as if I know it all or do it the right way all the time.....I'm just sharing info I read in my GFI material. It always hits home to me and always makes SO much sense! I highly recommend every parent get their material. After all, raising our children right should be top priority! :)
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