Vice or Virtue?

Resolutions.  We make them every year.  We break them every year.  Then we start the next year making them again.  I write down my goals at the end/beginning of each year.  Some goals make my list every year.  You know the ones most of us have: lose weight, get in shape, pray more, fast more, etc. etc. etc....

This year,  a lot of my goals are family and parenting oriented.  I'll confess something now and get it over with:  My biggest fear in life is being a bad parent.  It's been my fear since LONG before I had kids.  So in order to try and prevent that I am constantly checking and re-checking myself and my parenting methods.  Especially now that I have a toddler and everyday is some new challenge against my parenting skills.

One of my resolutions this year is to speak and think more positively.  About any and everything.  I have a tendency to think the worst too often and at times that comes out in my speech as well.  So I am striving toward a more positive disposition.  

Well, in reading my GFI toddler book this last week {in order to work on my parenting!} I came across some amazing stuff!  I've read it before...several times actually...but it has been awhile and, quite frankly, I had forgotten it.   It talks about how as parents of toddlers, we spend as much time restraining wrong behavior as we do encouraging right behavior.  And while words of restraint are necessary during the training process, what type of words are we using?  Ephesians 4:29 says, "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying that it may minister grace to the hearer." The book goes on to say this:

'The word 'corrupt' carries the meaning to 'decay' or 'cause injury' or 'pain'.  How often do your words injure?  When communicating with your children, attempt to use positive words as often as possible.  Even in times of correction you can speak from the 'negative side of the virtue' rather than the 'negative side of the vice'.  Most 'wrong' behavior is broken into the vice or virtue category.  The vice category is negative, the virtue is positive.  If a child does something wrong, parents tend to describe the negative side of the behavior.'

How often have I been guilty of this?  How often do I hear other parents describing the negative?  Too often, that's for sure.  Some examples would be: instead of telling a child, "hitting is mean", why not, "Hitting is unkind"?  'Mean' represents the negative side of the vice, 'unkind' represents the negative side of the virtue.  Or how about instead of, "Are you lying?" say, "Are you telling the complete truth?"  How about this one: instead of, "You're acting selfish" try, "You're not thinking of others."  Using the negative side of the virtue is far better than using the negative side of the vice.    Some vice/virtue comparisons are:

VICE                    VIRTUE

Neglectful             Attentive

Haste                    Patience

Rough                  Gentle

Disobedience       Obedience

Messiness            Orderliness

Rude                    Gracious

Jealousy              Contentment

Meanness            Kindness

Careless               Responsible

Prideful               Humble

Impulsive            Self-Control

Selfish                 Other-centered

Violent                Peaceful

So...this is definitely part of my resolutions list for 2011 and beyond.   I want my children to imitate and reflect back to me and to others the virtues they hear coming from my lips.  I am writing Ephesians 4:29 along with the Vice/Virtue comparisons on a sheet of paper and plan on taping it to my mirror.  This is something I need to be reminded of daily.  It's also something I will have to pray about daily because speaking the virtue does not come naturally for me.  

How about for you?  Vice or Virtue?

Here are 2 reasons I am striving to be a better person! :-)